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27.11.10

Al Gırdın!

I'll close my eyes, I'll drift away, I'll make it through my darkest day and I'll sing this song at the top of my lungs until this dark day is done!... I'll open my eyes, I'll stay awake, I made it through my darkest day, I'll sing this song at the top of my lungs now that this dark day is done...


Broken Pieces

Too late, this is not the answer
I need to pack it in
I can't pull your heart together,
With just my voice alone.


A thousand shards of glass,
I came to meet you and,
And you cut the piece out of me.


And as you ripped it all apart
That's when I turned to watch you.
And as the light in you went dark
I saw you turn to shadow


If you would salvage some part of you
That once knew love
But I'm losing this
And I'm losing you


Oh, I've gotta turn and run
From faces that you've never seen
Oh I've gotta save my blood
From all that you've broken
I hold these pieces of me


It's too late now
To stop the process
This was your choice
You let it in
This double life you lead
Is eating you up from within
A thousand shards of glass
You pushed beneath my skin
Left me lying there to bleed


And as you showed me your scars
I only held you closer
But as the light in you went dark
I saw you turn over
I wanted always to be there for you and close to you
But I'm losing this
And I'm losing you


Oh, I've gotta turn and run
From faces that you've never seen
Oh I've gotta save my blood
From all that you've broken
I hold these pieces of me


The broken pieces
I hold these pieces of me
The broken pieces
I hold these pieces


Maybe without me you'll return
To all the beauty I once knew
But if I stay I know
We will both be drowned by your holding onto me


Oh, I've gotta turn and run
From faces that you've never seen
Oh I've gotta save my blood
From all that you've broken
I hold these pieces of me


The broken pieces
I hold these pieces of me
The broken pieces
I hold these pieces of me

Daily Stuff

İş güzelmiş, uzun bir aradan sonra tekrar çalışmak.. Imm hoş bir duygu, ortam çok otantik, resim çekilesim geldi, yaptığım şey şimdlik sadece telefonlara "Efendiiimm?" demek. Herkes kendi halinde, güzel. Ama bir de tüm paramı taksiye vermeseydim de sabah birşeyler yiyebilseydim ve de sesim cinsiyetime uygun bir tonda çıksaydı, etrafımdaki herkes sevgilisi olduğumu gözüme gözüme sokmayaydı, karanlık, boş sokaklarda kaybolmasaydım, kontürüm bitmeseydi ve vazgeçilmez olabilseydim, ne de süper olurdu.

10 gün okul yoook, ders yoook, notları alacağım iyiliksever arkadaşımı ayarladım, o da tamam. Böyle bir araya, değişikliğe ihtiyacım vardı, evet.

Dakikliğimle, fedakarlığımla gurur duyuyorum ama en azından arada sırada da olsa, bana da öyle davransalar...

"Hayata YENİden bak" -> günün sloganı, "We are all faulty. Our fault is to see an ocean, in just a glass of water..." -> dünün sloganı.

Sweet November'dı, Bitter November oldu, ohh yandan(!)

Damnation For All!

 You will see and live what you deserve, i hope... Everyone should live what he/she has done before, good or bad, soon or late. Everyone should be acted just like the way they acted in before. But at the same time, they should recognize that they had deserved all the anguishes they've been experiencing, they should remember, whom they tortured, made suffer, how they did it and should deadly regret these!

AND YOU HAVE REALLY PERFECTED YOUR KILLING TECHNIQUE! CONGRATS DARLING! YOU HAVE KILLED ME SO PERFECTLY!

Is this the way to survive among the fittests?


Do not believe and trust anybody this easily from now and on! Be intelligent, arrogant and ignorant, this is the way of avoiding dissappointment. Make people suffer not to suffer! Make sad not to be sad! I don't know whether this is the way of being a "human" being then. Do I have to construct a plan or strategy to become happy? = superficial happiness(!) I can not stand  this way, I don't want to plan my actions beforehand. I do not want to get dissappointed over and over and over and over again! Why do people look so cute and innocent and reliable, trustable, lovable, adorable?! Why can't I identify the real purposes or thoughts under the statements that really touch my heart, where is completely defenseless and open to attacks? I suppose I have become addicted to be let down and swindled ahahah! I know I'm going to make exactly same mistakes again! This is the rule of being a stupid human being. No matter how insistently I speak hateful and determined, I will trust easily again, maybe I have always wanted to trust and believe people that easily without hesitation about how much I may get wounded. Silly... I am the real reason of my own suffering then! Contradictory, paradoxal, ironical, I don't care what the hell it is, anymore!

25.11.10

Haydi Hayırlı Olsun!


  Şuraya gitsem bi... Dinlerdim kafamı ne güzel, bu iskelede oturmak istiyorum biraz.. Niye böyle oldum ki ben şimdi? Acaba paranoyak ya da şizofren filan mıyım? Bilemiyorum.. Aslında bir şey varsa vardır, yoksa da yoktur ama dimi?.. Mutsuz hissettiysem bir şeyler sebep olmuş olmalı buna, yoksa ben neden bir şeyleri kafama takmayı hobi edineyim ki? Erkek arkadaşımla çıkıyo muyuz biz şimdi anlamadım :S Ama insan bu kadar da telefon başında beklemez ki.. Bekletilmemeli cık cık cık! Sesim tanınmaz halde, burnum, burnum gibi değil, nasıl işe gideceğim yarın çok merak ediyorum.. Bir de sevgili dostlarım var, hepsi ayrı ayrı yorum yapıyor sağ olsunlar ama benim kafam karışıyor yahu... Ne kadar da zor gibi gözüküyor her şey, halbuki o kadar basitti ki; "All I want is just happiness..."
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