I misunderstood myself

  I, by myself, disappointed my own self! I have been thinking that I have passed some certain steps and released myself completely from him and the thoughts about him. But I think, I was wrong. If it isn't so, how could just a song, a short chat about him or just a glimpse of the road where the place he works is on, make me turn to the beginning? All the decisions that I took, all the things I said to myself, all the speeches I made to my friends, all the progress I had in my mind, were in vain I'm afraid. I  haven't known this until this afternoon but it has used to be so. I see now, that I haven't made any progress on the way to purify myself from everything about him. I'm sorry to see this. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think, I don't know what to feel and I don't know how to act. All I know is that I do not want to be sad, depressed, moody, tend-to-weep, and bored again just because of him! I hope that I don't keep clinged to this so long.

  I know what is right, what is reasonable, what is appropriate, what is best to do but I can not make my mind not to think about all those and make my heart feel the way I want it to do. "I am so confused, so hard to choose between the pleasure and the pain and I know it's wrong and I know it's right, even if I try to win the fight, my heart would overrule my mind.

  I just couldn't understand the reason of my breaking down. You just thought about yourself;

You could see me reaching
So why couldn't you have met me half way?
You could see me bleeding
And you would not put pressure on the wound.

You only think about yourself
You'd better bend before I go

You could see me breathing
And you still kept your hand over my mouth
You could feel me seething
But you just turned your nose up in the air.

0 dedim, olacak!:

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